Thursday, August 27, 2009

Tough Thursday...

I had a pretty tough time of it today. DH was finally able to get online and talk to me about the mortgage, but he was so upset and frustrated that it didn't do anyone any good. We can't get the full amount that we want because someone dropped the ball. I don't know if it was me or someone at the mortgage company, but I feel like it's all my fault. Now, he's stressing even more about money and being able to afford the basement remodel. He said he's not blaming me and is just frustrated with everything, but I don't know...I take everything so personally that it doesn't really make me feel better. Then he mentioned that we only seem to save money when he's deployed...and while that is true I don't really care to have him be gone again this year so soon. I mentioned this to him and he immediately got defensive. I didn't say he couldn't ever deploy again, but I miss my husband and just want him home. I know what his job is and I know I knew prior to becoming his wife and I am super proud of him and the job he does...but dangit it is harder than he thinks. It' hard to watch the person you love walk away from you and your life for (I'll admit a short time) 3 months and then have him do it again less than 2 months after finally coming home. I have tried to fill my time, but the one person I want to hug and see and talk with and laugh with is gone. It is hard...and I am entitled to resent it a tiny little bit. There I said my piece...that being said, I skipped school tonight because I am just too drained from the emotionally charged week and the recent week of illness. I am just going to take a bath and drink some tea (blech!) and go to bed early. Hopefully, I'll have another outlook tomorrow.

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