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| B & P enjoying the FL sun while scouting for ducks |
In 2012 my hubby and I finally decided to visit a fertility specialist regarding our then 3 year journey through trying to conceive (TTC). We are at 5 years TTC now. We did blood tests, ultrasounds and analyses. We spoke to the doctor and he jumped us right to IVF. Which was (while sort of expected) was shocking, heartbreaking and mind-numbing. Truth be told, we both freaked. The price tag was so high, the hormonal, physical, emotional and scheduling tolls were overwhelming and I know we both weren't ready to face that diagnosis and suggested protocol.
See, I had been on the TTC journey and was so done with charting, temping, researching all the little tips and tricks blogged about and youtubed about. We had tried just about everything I had heard of to try to boost both his and my fertility naturally to allow conception to happen in the most natural way possible. Sometimes, hubby was on board, sometimes he wasn't. I don't want to get things twisted, he wanted and still does want a baby just as much as me, but I was ready and willing to do what it took then and there to make it happen. He was still sort of in the phase of "if it happens..." So, most of the time I felt more invested than he did, and as a woman, I felt more devastated when month after month we had zero success.
Compounding that feeling of isolation, I didn't have anyone I could turn to that had been through it. My good friend tried to understand, but she literally gets pregnant when her hubby sneezes on her. Not to say she didn't wish for, plan or try for her beautiful children, but when you get pregnant the first month you try, not once, but three times, you really can not comprehend the devastation it feels to have bfn after bfn times 5 years. She tried and she was there for me whenever I needed to vent, cry, or just talk, but when you can't truly understand the depth of despair someone is experience, sometimes it gets hard to listen to them day after day. She wanted good news for me, and I could tell at times she just wanted to tell me "do something about it...stop complaining."
We decided to do nothing at that time. Decided to pay off debt (we didn't have much, and none of it credit card debt, but student loans, a car loan and a home equity from improvements we had done on our home) and began saving money and discussing our options. Basically, we took a break from actively TTC. Which means nothing, because we weren't preventing, so we were actively trying. I just wasnt doing all the "work" involved.
So fast forward from to June 2014. We have moved 1500 miles, bought a new house, hubby has settled into a new job and I have tried to settle into a new role in life. We met with a new RE (reproductive endocrinologist) in May and have undergone repeat testing, ultrasounds and analyses to confirm our previous diagnosis.
Yesterday, we met with Dr. P again after all the results are in: I have excellent ovarian reserve, my uterus looks ideal to carry to term and I am considered young, 31; I am also a carrier for cystic fibrosis (no shock, since my younger half-brother passed away from complications related to CF at 16 in 2005) but overall in good health. There was a cyst on my left ovary that the Dr. wants to keep an eye on, and in fact mentioned that he feels it may be endometrial in nature. This would make a huge amount of sense, since endometriosis very commonly attributes to infertility. I have not had any of the "normal" symptoms of endometriosis, but that can be common. Since I didn't have common or "normal" symptoms of endo, none of my previous doctors considered it necessary to check for it. And, I was and still am ok with that. I was more upset about the lack of concern given my hubby's SA back in 2011 (with my regular gyn) that we found contributed greatly to our need for IVF 6 months later. 6 months of what felt like wasted opportunity. Hubby's blood work came back just fine, and the results of his most recent SA, while slightly better, still mimicked the previous results.
Because those results were slightly better, Dr. P has altered his suggested course of action. We can still move forward with IVF (with the $15,000 price tag) or we can attempt 1-3 rounds of IUI at around $300 a pop. We have a much lower potential for success (7%) with the IUI, namely because of count, lack of control and well the possibility of an endometrial cyst on my left ovary. However, it is worth a discussion simply due to the price tag.
We have been planning for and saving for the IVF for a while. Although, with the move and several other factors, our savings isn't as large as we had hoped. But we both decided we wouldn't put our current lives on hold (i.e. not do things we really wanted to do) simply to save for a baby. We have accepted that we may never have a baby. It may never happen for us. That would be devastating and heart breaking, but we are both attempting (and succeeding to some degree) to be at peace with that. Therefore, we refuse to stop our lives now, when we are young and child-free, and not do some of the fun things we want to do.
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| Like go to Disney world!! |
Another benefit of the IUI over the IVF is the fact that Dr. P feels we don't need the injectable drugs with the IUI. Meaning, I would have a 'natural' cycle with clomid and a hCG trigger shot to time insemination. That sounds good to this girl who can't even watch as they take blood or give shots. The thought of having to have daily or twice daily shots for weeks on end has given me such anxiety. Thankfully, Hubby has agreed to step up and administer said shots, while being oddly gleeful about it. LOL
So, that is where we are. Trying to decide between the greater success rate afforded with IVF or the lower price tag of IUI for our first try. We are fully understanding and expecting that we may have to have IVF after IUI, we would just be postponing IVF for the fingerscrossed chance IUI will work.
If you have gone through fertility treatments, IUI (clomid or injectables) or IVF, please let me know your thoughts. I know everyone's story is different and our success rates are not the same as anyone else, but I would love to hear opinions of those who have been in the trenches. Say a prayer for us that we are able to come to the best decision for us, and maybe also that God sees fit to grant us with that which he envisions for us.
Much love and best wishes,
Jen
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