Today is Thursday, March 6. Yesterday was Ash Wednesday and for Lent (even though I am not Catholic) I have chosen to give up Facebook. Not all of social media, but I am eliminating Facebook from my daily life.
We moved 1500 miles to Florida back in November. It's amazing how much time as passed, it feels like yesterday and so long ago at the same time. We celebrated our first Thanksgiving in the new house, our first Christmas and our first houseguests in January.
I tell you, moving is no joke. It is hard, stressful and painful. It feels exciting and new in the moment, but it truly is one big life change. Added to that is my change from worker bee to homemaker. Both hubby and I are still adjusting to this new dynamic in our relationship. I have to be honest, I can't be certain this is the path for me. I am an introvert by nature and not having the avenue of meeting people through work (either in home or outside of the home) has been devastating. It's a mind game I play with myself, but I really don't find myself all that interesting and therefore can't imagine too many others will either, haha. I have never been one to easily make friends, and truth to tell, I don't know where to start. It is rather intimidating and scary at the same time. And yes, as a 31 year old woman, I understand that is probably very silly and childish.
Some things I have been focused on since moving:
Setting up the house
Buying new furniture
Creating a cleaning and home maintenance routine
Keeping the newly created routine plan
Searching my heart regarding work/school/staying at home
Returning to routine exercise
Good nutrition
Opening my heart to the Lord
Accepting my current place in life and the path God has for me
Beginning steps in our infertility journey here in Florida
Finding a purpose
Meeting new people and making new friends
I haven't decided fully which, how much, or when yet, but I hope to share some more in depth focus on these items in the near future.
It has been a lesson for me, this new life. I miss my friends, I miss my house and yard for the dogs, I greatly missed seeing and experiencing all the snow that happened back home. I still feel like I'm on vacation. It's such a disconnect between what is happening to my friends and family and what I experience here.
I miss my job at the daycare so very much. I miss seeing the little ones grow and learn every day. I miss sharing the daily milestones with my co-teachers and mentors at the center, I miss having an outlet to share my heart, I miss having a daily purpose. Not that keeping a clean and pleasant home for my husband and animals isn't a purpose, but I am not sure it is the only purpose I am called by God to do in my life.
Showing posts with label confessions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label confessions. Show all posts
Thursday, March 6, 2014
Monday, December 31, 2012
2013 Resolutions...
On this last day of 2012, I spent some time thinking of some wishes I have for the coming year. Most importantly, I want to make 2013 a happier year than 2012. I seemed to spend a lot of time feeling very negative and anxious. I don't want to live my life that way. I don't want to spend my time being disappointed with what I have and wishing for something more. I have a long bucket list of things I want to do, be or accomplish this year.
**I am giving myself a reality check and acknowledging that some of these things may not happen.**
Let's get started. I am going to list them in no order of priority. I am going to categorize them by ultimate goals and then what I need to accomplish in order to reach that goal.
*Tough Mudder (June) --> 3 days/week Run training
--> 3 days/week Strength training
--> run < 9.5 minutes per mile
--> 10K run (April)
--> Dirty Girl 5K (May)
*Half Marathon (October) -->same as above.
*Be Healthier --> 3 days/week run training
--> 3 days/week strength training
--> Eat healthier
--> Sleep better
--> Talk & visit with friends and family more
*Disney Vacation
*Christmas Caribbean Cruise
*Sky-diving
*NYC to see a Broadway show
*Make the house our home --after 7 years of living here, I still feel as though this isn't our home. It still feels as though we rent from hubby's parents and now that we don't have the daycare in the home, it's time to really make it our own. I'm excited to be able to do what we want inside our home.
One thing you may notice missing is a reference to having a baby. I have absolutely no control over that happening naturally. We have incorporated everything we can do at home, ourselves. It's not that I want to give up per se...but we have to save for any fertility treatment we may need (specifically IVF). That can't happen right now. It feels as though we are always saving for something, always waiting for something, never fully living. I am tired of feeling like that. It's depressing. It highlights what we don't have rather than focusing on what we do have, which is each other, our health, a home and 4 loving and wonderful pets. We have our friends and our families and it's time we return to prioritizing them and our happiness with each other rather than something that's missing. Don't get me wrong, I want a baby more than anything, but I have to be able to have a life while we wait to be blessed naturally OR we have enough to have the treatments we need. I don't want having or not having a baby to be the only thing that matters. It's hard, though, to just turn off the cycle of baby thoughts that runs through anyone's mind who is TTC. Especially for a woman who, after 3 1/2 years is so in tune with her body, she knows where she is in her cycle without a chart or cell phone app. I still plan to monitor my bbt. But that's it. I want to focus more on being healthy physically, emotionally and spiritually.
Which leads me to my last resolution:
*Be Happier ON PURPOSE -->Talk & visit more with friends and family
-->Eat better
-->Sleep better
-->Laugh more
-->Daily Affirmations
I have a long list of things to focus on. I am really excited to get started in less than 12 hours. And I want to wish you a very HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I wish you all the health and happiness you hope for in 2013!!
**I am giving myself a reality check and acknowledging that some of these things may not happen.**
Let's get started. I am going to list them in no order of priority. I am going to categorize them by ultimate goals and then what I need to accomplish in order to reach that goal.
*Tough Mudder (June) --> 3 days/week Run training
--> 3 days/week Strength training
--> run < 9.5 minutes per mile
--> 10K run (April)
--> Dirty Girl 5K (May)
*Half Marathon (October) -->same as above.
*Be Healthier --> 3 days/week run training
--> 3 days/week strength training
--> Eat healthier
--> Sleep better
--> Talk & visit with friends and family more
*Disney Vacation
*Christmas Caribbean Cruise
*Sky-diving
*NYC to see a Broadway show
*Make the house our home --after 7 years of living here, I still feel as though this isn't our home. It still feels as though we rent from hubby's parents and now that we don't have the daycare in the home, it's time to really make it our own. I'm excited to be able to do what we want inside our home.
One thing you may notice missing is a reference to having a baby. I have absolutely no control over that happening naturally. We have incorporated everything we can do at home, ourselves. It's not that I want to give up per se...but we have to save for any fertility treatment we may need (specifically IVF). That can't happen right now. It feels as though we are always saving for something, always waiting for something, never fully living. I am tired of feeling like that. It's depressing. It highlights what we don't have rather than focusing on what we do have, which is each other, our health, a home and 4 loving and wonderful pets. We have our friends and our families and it's time we return to prioritizing them and our happiness with each other rather than something that's missing. Don't get me wrong, I want a baby more than anything, but I have to be able to have a life while we wait to be blessed naturally OR we have enough to have the treatments we need. I don't want having or not having a baby to be the only thing that matters. It's hard, though, to just turn off the cycle of baby thoughts that runs through anyone's mind who is TTC. Especially for a woman who, after 3 1/2 years is so in tune with her body, she knows where she is in her cycle without a chart or cell phone app. I still plan to monitor my bbt. But that's it. I want to focus more on being healthy physically, emotionally and spiritually.
Which leads me to my last resolution:
*Be Happier ON PURPOSE -->Talk & visit more with friends and family
-->Eat better
-->Sleep better
-->Laugh more
-->Daily Affirmations
I have a long list of things to focus on. I am really excited to get started in less than 12 hours. And I want to wish you a very HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I wish you all the health and happiness you hope for in 2013!!
Thursday, February 23, 2012
On the road to Baby H, Confessions: baby stuff
Do you think I'm odd that I troll pregnancy forums and websites? I have hundreds of bookmarks on my computer of baby blogs, gear lists, nursery blog posts, parenting blogs, etc. I love reading blogs about pregnancy and babies. I even have a registry! Eeek! I haven't told anyone that, before. Am I a glutton for punishment???
I know. I know. I've heard. I've been told it's not quite the thing and that it will make me crazy. I've talked to women online who do/have done similar things, and they've all said they've eventually come to the realization that it's unhealthy. I disagree. Only for myself, for ME personally. I'm not there yet for a couple reasons.
1) I take care of babies. It's my job. I play with baby toys, change babies, use baby products and in some cases buy baby gear, toys, formula, food, etc for my daycare. So, I can't just pretend they don't exist.
2) I feel like I look at these websites and forums and registry items with hope. I feel like if I told myself that I CAN'T look at, plan, dream, design, build my future baby's life, nursery, first year, inutero time, etc. then I would lose the hope that it CAN still happen. I would lose that belief that my deepest wish WILL come true. Sort of like, "If you build it, they will come". (I love me some Kevin Costner movies; Field of Dreams, 1989)
3) I like to know what is out there so when I AM with child I can feel confident in my choices, because I've done my research.
4) It takes me and my DH sooooo long to make decisions, and especially put those decisions into action that by making decisions, researching items, saving for the nursery/baby items/etc. I feel like I have a head start for when the baby comes. Plus, I am so scared I'm going to be one of those women who ends up on the TLC show I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant.
Anyway, so there is my confession. do you think it's abnormal? Do you think it's too much pressure? Do you feel like it would stress you out to have to look at or read information about pregnancy, other women's pregnancies, registries or baby items? Would you or do you do this? Just curious if I'm the only one!
I know. I know. I've heard. I've been told it's not quite the thing and that it will make me crazy. I've talked to women online who do/have done similar things, and they've all said they've eventually come to the realization that it's unhealthy. I disagree. Only for myself, for ME personally. I'm not there yet for a couple reasons.
1) I take care of babies. It's my job. I play with baby toys, change babies, use baby products and in some cases buy baby gear, toys, formula, food, etc for my daycare. So, I can't just pretend they don't exist.
2) I feel like I look at these websites and forums and registry items with hope. I feel like if I told myself that I CAN'T look at, plan, dream, design, build my future baby's life, nursery, first year, inutero time, etc. then I would lose the hope that it CAN still happen. I would lose that belief that my deepest wish WILL come true. Sort of like, "If you build it, they will come". (I love me some Kevin Costner movies; Field of Dreams, 1989)
3) I like to know what is out there so when I AM with child I can feel confident in my choices, because I've done my research.
4) It takes me and my DH sooooo long to make decisions, and especially put those decisions into action that by making decisions, researching items, saving for the nursery/baby items/etc. I feel like I have a head start for when the baby comes. Plus, I am so scared I'm going to be one of those women who ends up on the TLC show I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant.
Anyway, so there is my confession. do you think it's abnormal? Do you think it's too much pressure? Do you feel like it would stress you out to have to look at or read information about pregnancy, other women's pregnancies, registries or baby items? Would you or do you do this? Just curious if I'm the only one!
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Confessions...
Today, I felt the need to confess things I hate about myself...
- I hate to clean...not really a revelation, but I hate to clean because I feel it's beneath me.
- I am jealous of my brother's girlfriend because she's pregnant.
- I'm lazy.
- I get angry when people I don't think deserve good things GET good things. (Not related to #2)
- I'm very judgemental and don't hide it very well.
My husband is such a good person (Happy Birthday a day late, my handsome hubby) and he truly makes me want to be a better person, but the green monster of jealousy and the ugliness of hatred makes this hard for me to do.
The things I want in life are so special and miraculous and I am starting to believe God won't grant me my deepest wishes unless I can purge some of the hate I carry around in my heart.
Perhaps this is the first step to creating a welcoming and healing heart for myself.
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